In Jeremiah 29:13 it says, "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all of your heart." When we are being completely honest with ourselves, are we seeking God with every part of our hearts? Are we dying to self daily, taking up our cross and following Jesus DAILY? And lastly, which points to the title of this post, why do we want to know God more?
I am currently reading a book about being called to be a missionary and as I was reading I came across a part that was describing how we want to know Gods will for our lives. We ponder the thoughts of things like what college should i go to, should i take that job position, who should i marry, etc. We all have things in our life that we want answers to and we desire to get to know God better to get those answers. We know God has the answers and he has our lives mapped out from beginning to end, so when we get to a fork in the road we panic and look to many things to help influence our decision. At the top of list is more than likely, "I need to get closer to God".
Yes, we do need to always strive to be closer to God and know him more intimately than we did before. But as i was reading this book God brought something to my heart, "Why do i want to know God"? That answer is taken all the way back in Genesis 3:4-7 when Adam and Eve believed the serpent and ate from the tree God forbid them to eat from. She ate from the tree because she wanted to know what God knew, to have his power. This is us still today, we want answers, we want to know Gods will for our life so we come to the conclusion of "let me get closer so he will reveal things to me."
Some know this already but I feel in my heart that God is calling me to the mission field. A few years ago i had my whole life planned out and in just a short moment God turned my world and desires upside down. After i felt his call i had no idea what i was going to do as far as college, what type of ministry, what my title would be or anything. I was confused on why God would call a sinful, small town girl like me to preach to his nations. I wanted answers. As i look back on the last few years and me growing closer to God, I see how each experience I've been through has combined into my testimony, how it is leading up to me pursuing this call. At times I will admit, i felt guilty and felt like i wasnt growing in my walk when really i was, Joyce Meyer said it best, "We live a life going forward but understand it backwards". Throughout these last few years I have prayed, fasted, and pursued God, why though? At times i was guilty of only wanting to be closer to God because i constantly needed more confirmation. It was like i needed him to come down and look me in the eyes and tell me what to do. I wanted it written out for me and I am realizing it has been written out all along, Matthew 28:19, God commanding us to Make disciples of all the nations. Which includes our own communities too. He had already revealed my call to me but I was not satisfied, I needed more direction. We have his word and the relationship with him and we look to prayer as our last resort at times. Its like we try out everything else for answers before trusting the one who really knows, for instance, we run to the phone before running to the throne. I am guilty of this just as much as anyone else.
To get to my point, It is beautiful to want to know God more intimately, to grow deeper in your relationship with him. But, we as followers of Christ need to look at our intentions and our heart while doing this. A few weeks ago i fasted makeup, fast food, and social media, things that were a sacrifice for me because i am so dependent on those. As i look back i didn't fast because i was wanting to give that up for my love of God and to know him more intimately because of who he is, I fasted, hoping for some spiritual breakthrough and confirmation of my calling. I thought if i gave up things that i depend on that wasn't him he would give me all of the answers i needed to trust him. Why do we do this? Why are we so selfish that we desire to grow closer to God for our convenience, his love is so great for us that our minds don't even have the ability to comprehend it. He loved us so much that he sent his son, Jesus who was to be spat upon, tortured, mocked, and to die in our place when we were so lost, flawed, and sinful. We do not deserve Gods love, we do not deserve the answers, or anything to be made convenient for us. But we still receive peace, mercy, love, hope because of Gods grace on our lives. I am learning as i grow closer in my walk with the Lord, this temporary life is nothing about me, it is all for Gods glory, he just chose for me to take part in his mission.
I am hoping and praying that this blog post has opened your eyes to areas of your life that you need to open up and acknowledge. I hope that we will all, as followers of Christ desire to know him simply for who he is rather than him just answering all of our questions.
